I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
