i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
