All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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