So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
