took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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