Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
