he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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