What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
