I hate your face
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
