He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
