Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
