i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
