Whod you bang
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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