mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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