How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When are your genitals available?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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