I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
