Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
