I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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