That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
