He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
