I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
