When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
