Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
