turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
