I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
