The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
