I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
