all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
