Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
