is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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