The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
