my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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