worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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