My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
