I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i need some magic done to my vagina
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
