tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
