Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
