I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are we still banned from the library?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
