just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
