I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
