how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
