So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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