woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
