This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
