Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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