Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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