i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
