he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
