it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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