he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
