I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
