life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
