I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
