It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
