You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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